and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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