Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
