He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
