this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
