I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
