I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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