matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
