Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
