mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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