so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
