yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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