I love black thongs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
