You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need water and some morals
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
