saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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