I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
did i just pee glitter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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