pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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