We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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