i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
