OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
