I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
