Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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