Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I touched a dick in church today
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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