maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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