HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
