I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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