I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
