weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
