i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
