She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
