I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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