Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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