And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
