maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
