When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You took a bar mat shot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
