there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
