i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
