Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
