Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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