Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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