its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
