He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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