it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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