my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
