How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
