...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
