hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
