Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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