hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
