Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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