those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
