I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
