So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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