My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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