It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
