There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
