oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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