my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
