whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
