I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
