did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
