We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
